You Can’t Teach My Old Dog New Tricks.
Day Eleven…
Fail.
Task Eleven: Teach Lola to roll over.
I was hoping it wasn’t true, mostly because we all get sick of clichés, but it seems you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. At least, not my old dog. At least not in a single day. Although it was not an epic fail. She did actually roll over — all the way over, not the lay on her side and pop back up version she’s usually so fond of. She did it a few times and it was very exciting and we were both very thrilled - me for the rolling, her for the French fries - so I grabbed the camera to get video. She hasn’t done it since. In fact, not only will she not roll over, she insists on laying down in such a way so as to make rolling over pretty much impossible. It did not help that I ran out of French fries. Plain old peanut butter dog treats simply do not have the same level of reward potential to inspire the necessary desire to learn.
Which is surprising given her love for all things butter: peanut butter, almond butter, actual butter. She must get that from me. I’ve already expressed my love for butter and my thought that it should be its own food group; Lola would include the peanut and almond varieties in that sentiment. Most dogs would. Lola, in fact, has a built-in almond butter jar radar. If I accidentally tap it with a can of soup she comes running. However, to be honest, usually whenever she hears me in the kitchen she comes running, in the hopes that I will drop some savory morsel that she can quickly snatch up. Her middle name is Hoover.
Perhaps a more useful task would have been to teach her to stay out of the kitchen as that’s a far more relevant skill. I still don’t see the point of the whole rolling over thing; clearly Lola doesn’t either. In theory, she already knows to stay out of the kitchen, it’s just a skill she chooses to forget as it suits her needs. Especially at Auntie Amy’s kitchen. Although no one will blame her for that one — none of us like to stay out of Auntie Amy’s kitchen.
Today’s task has been to clean up my notorious sailor-mouth. I have a certain fondness for expletives and a knack for using them in new and creative ways. I also have a cache of awesome words stored in various brain cells that are shamefully underused in favor of the simpler (and simply gratifying) words of the four letter variety. People who aren’t perpetual potty-mouths may not fully appreciate the degree of difficulty associated with this task, but it’s nearly akin to not being able to use the letter E. Add to that the fact that tonight is Game 7 of the Warriors vs. OKC and I’m walking a veritable verbal tightrope. And I have to drive and stop at the grocery store… I may be setting myself up for failure. Alas, I’m giving it a shot!
Go A’s, go Sharks, go Warriors, and happy Memorial Day to all! Until next time…
